Understanding the Anger Iceberg

The anger iceberg is one of my favourite ways to explain anger to my clients. See, anger is very rarely an emotion in and of itself, but rather is a symptom of another emotion. If you look at an iceberg, it can be very hard to tell what is going on beneath the surface, can't it? The iceberg looks one way at the top (rather small) and then...wowzas, below the surface there is A LOT going on. Anger is theoretically the "tip of the iceberg" so to speak, and what lies beneath the surface are the true, core emotions a person is experiencing.  People tend to use anger to express whatever emotion is simmering within the depths, such as fear, insecurity, or hurt feelings. For example, I have worked with new parents who were fighting constantly after the birth of their child. On the surface, it appears that they are just making each other angry and can do nothing right where the other is concerned. Beneath the surface however, there is a lot of fear, anxiety, stress and lack of sleep around their new bundle of joy. The anger is a projection of those fears. Tackle the anxiety, the doubt, the insecurities and you thereby tackle the anger. It is not as easy as I make it sound however, which is why it can help to talk it out with a professional, and recognize that your anger is a process. It didn’t take a few days to develop your anger, it will take more than a few to shift these patterns. Above all, be kind to yourself.
 
Until next time <3 ​